Smongo Mansion - Zodiac Charter

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WHEREAS, the Caribbean Dysfunctional Family (“CDF”) is made up of independent, opinionated, loud, friendly (sometimes), sarcastic (most of the time), fun-loving, boating, drinking, hot-tubing, partying individuals who dissect and argue about everything, and who forget nothing, but who nevertheless choose to hang out together; and

WHEREAS, the CDF (aka ‘Zodiacs’) gets together each month (more or less) to celebrate birthdays of members; and

WHEREAS, the purpose of the Zodiac parties is to (1) celebrate the birthdays of CDF members at one party per month (pretty much), with the celebrations being based on the astrological signs of the Zodiac rather than the behavior of a serial killer, and (2) make fun of Floug, who just can’t quit each other, and

WHEREAS, for the benefit of new members of the CDF as well as legacy CDF members who have destroyed too many brain cells since we started these parties in January of 2005,

We hereby set forth what little we do agree upon with respect to Zodiac parties (with the understanding that everyone is going to do what they want to do anyway)

1. Mission Statement. The most important part of the Zodiac celebrations is the presence of its members. The intent of these parties was to get together and have a big birthday party and enjoy ourselves.

2. Protocol. Birthday people must wear a tiara while the CDF sings Happy Birthday to them and they blow out the candles on their cake(s).

3. Gifts.

	a.	Bring gifts - don't bring gifts - no one cares - just be there.
	b.	Sometimes there are group gifts. Just ask the zodiac committee and let us know if you want to participate. If you have a brilliant idea for a group gift, put it out there and find out who wants to pitch in (especially if it has something to do with Boyd-ass-face gift ideas).
	c.	Should you want to you can request a donation to a charity in lieu of a gift, if anyone was going to buy a gift, which they don’t have to do.
	d.	Let new people know that they are not expected to bring gifts - especially for people they do not know. Sounds silly but it has been brought up.

4. Food. The Zodiac parties are pot luck, though we recognize that:

	a.	Not everyone can, or is allowed to, cook;
	b.	We know that Nic knows how to cook, so that “I’ll bring ice.” thing is only going to fly for so long,
	c.	Sometimes members will be too damned tired or busy to bring something, so not everyone has to bring a dish every time,
	d.	Lala has to make salsa most of the time.

5. Smo. If anyone skips parties because they didn’t buy gifts or make a dish, Smo gets really, really, really, really, really upset - so quit it. Just be there.

6. Need a Break. If anyone skips parties now and then because they need a break from CDF craziness or the Flougs, we get that and you are excused. (You are also excused if you are off-island, ill, or still sleeping off the last party.)

7. New People. The Zodiacs love new people. Sometimes we assimilate them; sometimes we frighten them; sometimes we chew them up and spit them out, but we always have fun with them!

HOWEVER, the Zodiac Committee has a few guidelines for the inclusion of new people:

a. You are responsible for inviting your out-friends or visitors to the Zodiac parties. We will not add their names to the regular Zodiac e-mail list as there is entirely too much e-mail banter for the unprepared and unassimilated.

	b.	If your guest has a birthday during the Zodiac party that they are attending you MUST let the group know via email. It would be a great idea to bring a group card that we can all sign and maybe a gag gift. No one gets out of wearing a tiara and blowing out the candles on the cake while being tortured by the birthday song!
	c.	You must let the Zodiac hosts know that extra people will be attending the party so they can have a general head count.
	d.	You really should tell your guests what goes on at these parties (well, maybe not everything!) – what they should bring, if there is a theme for food, if it is a costume party, directions, parking, etc..
	e	Last but not least … Jim, if you invite a bunch of new people you gotta show up on time so that they know at least one person at the party. (While it is amusing to watch them stand around, if you are not there one of us eventually has to decide to interact with them, and you know how that can get.)

8. Other Stuff.
Miscellaneous general Zodiac party guidelines and info, all learned the hard way:

	a.	No glitter at parties.
	b.	No piñatas indoors.
	c.	Drink the good champagne first.
	d.	Dogs are not allowed to bite people; however, when provoked, Summer may bite people.
	e.	The amount of tequila shots available should be limited.
	f.	When it is your turn, you must accept the margarita crate; it is the way of the people.
	g.	Sunday boating activities that follow Saturday night Zodiac parties should be confirmed the next morning, and should probably start with champagne brunch and be played by ear after that.
	h.	Get a social e-mail account; it’s just easier.
	i.	And then check that e-mail account so that you don’t miss anything.
	j.	New people take note: Smo is not allowed to have very much alcohol; don’t give her any without checking with someone else (not Charlie).
	k.	If you are trying to convince other Zodiacs that you are sober enough to drive home, you (1) should be wearing most of your clothes, (2) should not be holding a full alcoholic beverage that you intend to consume before driving home, (3) should be in a position to negotiate, or at least be capable of coherent speech, (4) should be able to find your car and/or dinghy.
	l.	If you brought the Silly String, you have to clean up the mess before you go home.

9. Bottom Line. The gift of each other’s friendship and company is the best one (although large quantities of champagne, tequila and rum do help us tolerate each other).

The CDF is a family:

Some of us dress funny,
Some of us talk funny,
Some of us are armed,
No one gets out.

Thanks for playing-
The zodiac committee

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